Location: The Cheesy Deli on 5th and Main. Suspect: "The Gouda Bandit" aka Jack 'The Cheese' LaRue.
Our team of highly trained operatives, equipped with an arsenal of high-stakes negotiation tactics and an encyclopedic knowledge of artisanal cheeses, infiltrated the deli, dodging a hail of pepperoni slices and an army of angry Italian grandmothers.
We have reason to believe The Gouda Bandit is seeking to sell our nation's most valuable gouda to a black market of rogue fromage enthusiasts. We will not rest until he is brought to justice and forced to surrender his prized wheel of Époisses.