Phone and Email: Because We're Old School

Don't bother us, we don't really care.

Phone

Our number is 1-800-555-5555, but we're not really going to answer. Maybe try your local phone book?

See our Phone Number in a fancy format

Email

Our email is [not actually going to give it to you]. You can try sending a letter to the post office, but they're not really going to forward it.

See our Email Address in a fancy format, if you can find it

Or, you know, you could just use the internet. We hear that's a thing.