It's a real thing, folks. The couch has had it with your constant Netflix binge-watching. The keys, once proudly displayed on a hook, now lie scattered across the floor, victims of an enraged couch.
Apparently, the couch has developed a taste for revenge. The keys are now being held for ransom, demanding a 50% reduction in snack food consumption and an end to all video games on Fridays.
Schedule of Demand Holdouts and Hostages