Friendship Liquidation Tactics: Algorithmic Approach

In a world where friendships are a luxury few can afford, we've developed the Algorithmic Approach to liquidate even the most stubborn relationships. Our patented method involves a combination of machine learning, social engineering, and judicious use of passive-aggressive comments.

Step 1: Data Collection

Our team of highly trained algorithms scour the depths of social media, gathering data on your friend's deepest, darkest secrets. We'll find out who they're really posting about when you're not looking.

Step 3: Social Infiltration

With our advanced AI-powered chatbots, we'll gain your friend's trust and gather intel on their relationships. We'll be the first to know about those late-night Netflix binges and clandestine DMs.

Step 4: Strategic Estrangement Prophets prophets

Our team of highly trained, yet disturbingly accurate, prophets will analyze the data and predict with eerie accuracy when your friend will be most vulnerable to liquidation. We'll know exactly when to strike.

Step 5: Estrangement Liquidation

With the data in hand, we'll deploy our patented Friendship Liquidation Protocol (FLP). Our team of highly trained liquidation specialists will expertly execute the final steps, leaving you with a friendship that's nothing more than a distant, fading memory.

Disclaimer: Side effects of Friendship Liquidation may include, but are not limited to: increased productivity, decreased emotional labor, and a strong sense of existential dread. Use at your own risk.