Must be able to hold at least 500 kg of snack food without collapsing
Must be able to withstand the weight of 3+ humans simultaneously without sagging
Must have a minimum of 12 built-in cup holders for maximum convenience
Cool factor: Must be able to fit 8 of the user's favorite video games controllers
Must have a built-in mini fridge for optimal snacking experience
Must have a built-in speaker system for impromptu dance parties
Must be able to connect to the internet to stream cat videos
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