prophets of futile resolutions

Welcome to Futile Resolutions 101

A course in the art of doing absolutely nothing.

Here, you'll learn to resolve to do things you'll never actually do. It's like college, but with more napping.

Lesson 1: Resolving to Eat a Whole Pie by Yourself

A fundamental concept in the field of futile resolutions, this lesson covers the art of consuming an entire pie by yourself in one sitting.

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Lesson 2: Resolving to Watch an Entire Season of Your Favorite Show in One Sitting

In this lesson, you'll learn how to watch an entire season of your favorite show without leaving the couch.

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Lesson 3: Resolving to Learn the Art of Extreme Ironing

A highly sought-after skill, extreme ironing involves ironing clothes while engaging in activities like hiking or rock climbing. Don't try this at home, kids.

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And that's it for today. Go forth and resolve to do nothing!