Futile Resolutions

Here are some real resolutions you'll never actually keep:

• Quit sugar entirely (but let's be real, who are we kidding?)
• Learn to play an instrument, but only for 5 minutes a day (and only on Tuesdays)
• Never check your phone during meetings (HA! Like that's gonna happen)
• Eat a healthy breakfast every morning, but only if it's not too much hassle
• Finish all homework in one sitting (but only if it's not due until next week)
• Never procrastinate (HA! Like that's gonna happen)
• Always leave the house on time (but only if there's no Netflix to binge)