Because who needs tenure when you can have a PhD?
It started with the socks. Yes, the socks. They were all wrong, all the time.
Red, blue, green, and yellow, all in one drawer? No, no, no, that's not how it's done.
It's like the universe had declared war on color theory.
I once spent 20 minutes trying to get the perfect pour-over. Twenty. Minutes.
Twenty minutes that could've been spent on anything else. Like my sanity.
I mean, who needs coffee when you've got regret?