Balthazar McSnively, Grandmaster of the Guild

Welcome to the most esteemed and revered halls of the Guild of the Golden Toaster! I, Balthazar McSnively, Grandmaster of the Guild, bid you a warm welcome to our most illustrious and majestic abode. Our guild, known for its exquisite taste in artisanal toasters, has been the pinnacle of achievement in the land for centuries.

As the Grandmaster, I have decreed that today's schedule includes:

• Toasting of the ceremonial bread at precisely 3:00 PM
• Lecture on the art of toaster maintenance at 4:00 PM
• Toasting of the ceremonial bread at precisely 5:00 PM (because one can never have too much toasting)

Don't forget to bring your finest toasting attire, as we take pride in our formal toasting traditions!