CONGRATULATIONS, NEW RECRUIT!

Welcome to the esteemed Guild of Unlikely Heroes! We've been expecting you. As a new recruit, you'll be joining our ranks of misfits, malcontents, and the occasionally competent.

We're a group of individuals who've managed to achieve greatness despite our best efforts to fail. Our skills include, but are not limited to:

• Expert-level procrastination
• Proficiently mediocre cooking
• Extensive experience in doing the bare minimum

We've got a few positions available:

• Janitor - We need someone to clean up after the rest of us.
• Scribe - Write down our excuses and cover stories.
• Tea Brewer - We need someone to make sure we're caffeinated enough to function.

Which one calls to you? (Or don't, we'll just make something up.)