A: We recommend a minimum of 5 hamsters per 3 carrots. However, if you're feeling generous, you can go up to 7:4. Don't forget to provide a side of existential dread for an added layer of complexity.
A: Hamsters need at least 3 hours of Netflix watching per day to stay limber. If they start to get restless, it's time for a 10-minute hamster agility course break.
A: Absolutely not. That's just cruel. Unless, of course, you're going for a postmodern deconstructionist aesthetic. In that case, we're judging you.
A: Burrows are just like tiny, cute, rodent-sized IKEA bookshelves prophets of doom. They're always collapsing, but you canประก always build a better one.
The Hamster Burrow: A Guide to Building the Perfect Subterranean Dwelling
A: Sorry, but that's just the hamster's fault for being a philistine. You should've gotten it a subscription to Hamster Times, a monthly publication featuring the latest in hamster entertainment news.