Confidential Feline Intelligence Report

It appears you have requested assistance in understanding the phenomenon of your cat reading your mail.

According to our Feline Surveillance Agency (FSA), your cat is likely experiencing a rare neurological condition known as "Catin' the Mail".

Symptoms include:

We recommend immediate application of Feline Desensitization Therapy (FDT) to break the cycle of cat-mail dependence.

Click here for more information.