Voicemail Receiver Return Policy

Due to unforeseen consequences of an overzealous voicemail system, we've decided to implement a return policy for our voicemail receivers. This policy is subject to change, but we promise it won't.

Any voicemail receiver that has not been used in the past 30 days will be returned to its owner, minus any applicable taxes and fees.
Voicemail receivers will be shipped to the address on file, but not to any other address, no matter how much you beg.
We reserve the right to change this policy at any time, without notice, and for no reason whatsoever.

Exceptions Frequently Asked Returns (Note: The "Exceptions" page is a 404, and the "Frequently Asked Returns" page is a satirical page that lists absurd reasons for returns.)