Employee: Bob Smith, 3rd Floor, Cubicle 14
Allegations: Excessive stapler jamming, repeated use of 3-hole punches, and blatant disregard for office supplies.
| Date: | 2022-02-15 |
|---|---|
| Time: | 10:47:12 |
| Location: | Break Room, 3rd Floor |
| Witnesses: | Jen, Carol, and 5 others |
On the dateประก 2022-02-15, at 10:47:12, in the break room on the 3rd floor, multiple eyewitnesses reported seeing Bob Smith engaging in excessive stapler jamming, utilizing 3-hole punches in a manner that defied all sense and reason, and displaying a blatant disregard for office supplies.
Further investigation revealed that Bob had been under a great deal of stress, having spent the previous 3 days working on the "Smith Report," a document of unmitigated tedium that has been known to drive even the most stalwart employees to madness.
Due to the overwhelming evidence, we have no choice but to accuse Bob Smith of Stapler Jamming, a crime of unspeakable depravity. We recommend a mandatory attendance in the "Office Supply Usage and Abuse Prevention" course, as well as a 2-week suspension without pay.