ALERT LEVEL 3: Protocol 3

You have been alerted to a potentially catastrophic event. Please proceed with caution.

A rogue agent has infiltrated our system and is attempting to steal all of our donuts. We repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

To contain the situation, we recommend:

• Immediately report to the nearest coffee machine for further instructions.
• Secure all donut-filled areas of the building.
• Call for backup: Backup Protocols

Repeat, this is not a drill. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT attempt to make eye contact with the rogue agent.

Acknowledge this alert and continue your duties as normal.