Here are all the known issues that we're too lazy to fix:
Issue 1: The coffee machine is on fire (again) Issue 2: Our intern is playing the accordion in the break room Issue 3: The CEO thinks he's a superhero Issue 4: We're out of toilet paperThe coffee machine has caught fire... AGAIN. We're not sure what's causing it. Maybe it's just really passionate about its work? Anyway, it's still on fire. Please, for the love of all things caffeinated, stay away from the machine.
Sub-issue 1: Fire insurance is not a thing Sub-issue 2: Coffee beans are sentientOur intern, Bertrand, is at it again. We're not sure what's more disturbing: the sound or the smell. Please, for the love of all things sane, send help.
Sub-issue 1: Bertrand's music is not music, it's a form of torture Sub-issue 2: We have to pay him minimum wageThe CEO has declared himself "The Cheeto" and insists on wearing a cape to work. We're not sure if it's a midlife crisis or a cry for help. Either way, it's really distracting.
Sub-issue 1: He's really slow in a fight Sub-issue 2: We have to give him extra breaksIt's a real emergency, folks. Someone please, for the love of all things civilized, go buy some toilet paper.
Sub-issue 1: We have a 10% off coupon Sub-issue 2: The toilet is plotting against us