Meet our team of expert gum-chewing specialists.
We've been stuck in this conference room for hours, and we're getting hungry.
Here's our plan to escape:
We'll chew, chew, chew our way to freedom.
Or, at the very least, we'll be able to taste the sweetness of our own despair.
We'll wrap ourselves in layers of bubblegum, creating a fortress of sugary doom.
This will either distract our captors or attract a swarm of hungry bees.
When Phase 1 and 2 fail, it's time to bring out the big guns.
We've called in the experts, and they've brought their A-game.
Enter our team's new escape artist, disguised as a janitor.
With their trusty can of spray paint and a wig, they'll blend in seamlessly.
But don't be fooled, our artist has a plan, and it involves:
A daring heist, where they'll pose as a janitor, but with a twist.
They'll clean the conference room, but with a hidden agenda.
Our artist has a way of making the mundane, magnificent.
Phase 2.5: The Master of Disguise 2.0
A sequel, because you can never have too much of a good thing.
Our escape artist will don a new disguise, but this time, as a conference chairperson.
They'll call the whole thing off, with a flourish, and we'll be free.
And that's the plan, folks!
When we escape, we'll need to cover our tracks.
We'll leave a trail of sticky notes, with clues, leading to our new hideout.
It's going to be a real gum-mergance!
Want to see how it all plays out? Check out our next update on Phase 4: The Aftermath
We made it out, but not without leaving a trail of gum wrappers behind us.
Our team's new hideout is a secret underground bunker, stocked with all the gum we can chew.
We're living large, with gum-filled Jacuzzis and gum-scented aromatherapy.
But don't get too comfortable, the world above is not so sweet, and our gum-chewing days are numbered.
We'll have to start planning Phase 5: The Gum-mergency.
A sequel to the aftermath, because why stop now?
We'll have to navigate gum shortages, gum addiction, and gum-related identity crisis.
It's going to be a real gum-mergance!
Want to stay up to date on the gum-mergancy that is our team's gum-filled lives? Phase 6: The Gum-mergancy will be our next installment.
We're in the depths of gum-mergancy, and the gum is getting thin.
We've had to resort to extreme measures, including:
A strict regimen of only the most sugary, most artificially-flavored gum, in an attempt to satiate our cravings.
But even that's not working.
We've joined a support group for fellow gum-addicts, where we share our struggles and successes.
It's a real thing, folks. There are gum-addicts anonymous meetings, and we're attending one tonight.
It's come to this: we're at rock bottom.
Our team's gum addiction has become a full-blown crisis.
We've been visited by a team of gum-addiction specialists, armed with:
A comprehensive manual on how to live without gum.
We're talking no gum for breakfast, no gum for lunch, and no gum for dinner.
We're also being forced to watch gum-free movies and listen to gum-free music.
We've got a 24/7 hotline where you can call and confess your gum addiction.
Just dial 1-800-GUM-ME-OUT, and we'll be there to listen, and maybe even provide some gum-flavored tea.
We're not proud, folks. We're gum-addicted, and we know it.
Want to see how it all works out? Check out our next update, Phase 8: The Bittersweet Recovery
We're in recovery, and it's a real thing.
We've got gum-free days ahead, and they're not so sweet.
We've been forced to confront our gum addiction, and it's been a real wake-up call.
Step 2: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves can restore us
Step 4: Made a searching and fearless inventory of our gum-filled past
Step 6: Were entirely ready to let go of our gum addiction
Step 8: Made a list of all persons we've harmed with our gum addiction
Step 10: We've continued to take a personal inventory
Step 12: We've sought out a sponsor
We've made it through the 12 steps, and now it's time for phase 9: The Final Phase.
Where we're going to... wait for it...
...Phase 10: The New Normal!
Phase 10: The New Normal