Why Not to Play the Ukulele

Are you one of those masochists who enjoy torturing yourself with the incessant, grating sound of a ukulele? Do you find the repetitive, nasal whine of this tiny instrument somehow soothing? Newsflash: it's not.

Here are some compelling reasons to stick to the trombone, or better yet, just stick with your day job:

• 1. You'll develop a severe case of "Uke-Leg Syndrome": your left leg will atrophy from standing in the same position for hours on end, playing the same chord over and over.
• 2. Your neighbors will start to question your sanity, and rightly so.
• 3. You'll begin to see the ukulele as a sentient, malevolent entity, slowly driving you mad with its incessant demands for more strumming.
• 4. Your love of ukulele will lead you down a path of destruction, as you become increasingly obsessed with playing the "ukulele-themed" video game series, "Uke-Quest".