Advanced Theories: Reflective Techniques for Beginners
Welcome, novice, to the realm of Advanced Theories! Here, we'll delve into the most esoteric, the most bewildering, and the most utterly useless knowledge you'll ever encounter. Specifically, we'll be discussing Reflective Techniques for Beginners – because, let's face it, someone has to hold the mirror.
Reflective Techniques is a series of exercises designed to help you gaze inward, ponder the meaning of existence, and possibly develop a few crippling mental health issues. It's a delicate art, really.
Example Exercise 1: The Mirror, Revisited 1. Stare into the mirror for exactly 7 minutes and 32 seconds. 2. Count the number of hairs on your head. Subtract 17 from that number. 3. Multiply the result by π (pi). Divide by 42. 4. Write down the answer on a piece of paper and burn it in the fireplace.
Example Exercise 2: The Self-Indulgent Soliloquy 1. Speak aloud for precisely 3 hours and 14 minutes about the intricacies of your favorite food item (we recommend a well-marinated pickle). 2. Use at least 17 different accents to describe the nuances of your chosen subject. 3. Take a 10-minute break to contemplate the meaning of life. 4. Resume speaking, but only using words that start with the letter 'Q'.