Lobbying 101: The Art of Sucking Up to Anyone Who Will Listen

Lobbying 101 is an in-depth course on how to make friends with the right people, get what you want, and generally make the world a more interesting place. Warning: Side effects may include: excessive backstabbing, chronic ass-kissing, and spontaneous combustion of relationships.

Lesson 1: Identifying Your Lobbying Needs

Lobbying is all about getting what you want, when you want it. But before you start, you need to know what you want. That's where identifying your lobbying needs comes in. Take a long, hard look at yourself, and figure out what you really, really, really want. Example: "I want to be the CEO, or die trying."

Choosing Your Lobbying Targets

Lobbying is like a game of laser tag, but with fewer explosions and more suits. You need to know who to target, when to target them, and how muchประก to spend on the laser tag gun. Example: "I'm going to target the CEO, because they have a nice view from the penthouse."

Lobbying with Confidence

Confidence is key in lobbying. You can't just waltz up to someone and say "Hey, I'm here to take over the world." No, no, no. You need to do it with a spring in your step and a song in your heart. Example: "I'm the chosen one, and I'm here to bring balance to the Force."

Advanced Lobbying Techniques

For the advanced student, we have advanced techniques, like the art of subtle manipulation and the ancient art of bribery. Example: "I'll give you this nice pen, and you give me the world."

And that's it for Lobbying 101! Remember, lobbying is a game, and the goal is to win. But be careful, because the game of lobbying can be a real game of cat and mouse. Example: "Don't mess with the CEO, or you'll end up on the wrong end of a lawsuit."