Insurance: where you pay us for the privilege of possibly not losing your shirt, but probably will anyway.
Our rates are as low as 1000% of your current income. Don't worry, you can just take out a second mortgage to cover the premium!
But wait, there's more! Our policy includes coverage for:
- Accidental death by pineapple
- Spontaneous combustion due to excessive use of the microwave
- Involuntary disappearance during extreme weather events (such as, like, that one weird storm in 1995)
Claim your policy today and potentially lose everything you own
Learn more about our questionable business practices