Welcome to the Bureau of Unregistered Entities, where your name is a mere suggestion.
We've got a real treat for you today! Our team of highly trained agents has managed to lose track of your identity. Don't worry, it's not you, it's just us!
Here's what we know: John (or Jane if you're feeling feisty), you're probably a software engineer with a love for craft beer and an aversion to mornings.
But that's not all! We also have reason to believe you've been spotted in a alternate reality, where you're actually a professional snail trainer with a penchant for the dramatic.
Don't worry, we'll get to the bottom of this identity crisis. Or, at the very least, we'll pretend to.