Step 1: Send a strongly-worded "Can't attend" email 5 minutes before the meeting starts. "I have a sudden case of the plague."
Step 2: Send a "Just checking in" email 5 minutes later to ensure they're not expecting you. "Hey, just wanted to let you know I'm still alive."
Step 3: If asked to attend, claim you're allergic to meetings or have a "family emergency". "I'm allergic to meetings. Can't do it, sorry."
Step 4: If they ask for a call instead of a meeting, claim you're on a "silent retreat". "I'm on a silent retreat and can't talk for 24 hours."
Step 5: If they still ask to meet, just say you're "in the zone" minimalist cooking and can't be disturbed. "I'm in the zone, can't be bothered."
Step 6: Create a fake emergency Step 7: Claim the office is under siege Step 8: Tell them you've been possessed by a demon