By the Power vested in us, the Management, we hereby declare that the office coffee machine shall be turned off on Fridays.
Effective immediately, all employees are expected to bring their own coffee mugs and a sense of apathy.
All meetings shall be conducted in a state of utter tedium, with a minimum of 3 PowerPoint slides per presentation.
Any deviations from this decree shall be met with severe penalties, including but not limited to: forced viewing of elevator music, mandatory attendance at corporate team-building exercises, and/or being forced to listen to HR's PowerPoint presentation on "The Importance of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion" for 8 consecutive hours.
Signed,
Management