MANDATE 12: The Rants

Why the World Owes Me a Better Coffee

"I demand to be served coffee in the morning. And by 'served', I mean 'poured directly into my cerebral cortex while simultaneously being massaged by a team of highly trained, highly skilled professionals'.

On the Importance of Proper Sock Picking

"I will not stand idly by while my socks are not paired correctly. It's a travesty, a catastrophe, an affront to the very fabric of society. Who needs pants, really?"

A Call to Action: More Caviar for Everyone!

"We must, we MUST, we absolutely, positively, without-a-doubt MUST have more caviar in our lives. I'm talking caviar on crackers, caviar on toast, caviar on a bed of crushed ice... the possibilities are endless!"