Faculty of Extreme Situational Awareness

Welcome to the most prestigious institution for neighborhood watch training in the land. Our esteemed faculty members are experts in all things suspicious.

Our courses cover the essentials of:

• Identifying potential home invaders
• Detecting counterfeit lawn gnomes
• Conversational de-escalation techniques for dealing with aggressive squirrels
• Advanced trash can lid-lifting methodologies
• Ninja-like stealth walking for maximum surveillance efficiency