WE, THE DETERMINISTS, DECLARE...
THAT THE PATH OF CERTAINTY IS THE ONLY PATH WORTHY OF MANKIND.
THAT THE CERTAINTY OF THE OUTCOME IS THE ONLY CERTAINTY WORTH FIGHTING FOR.
THAT THE CERTAINTY OF THE UNIVERSE IS BUT A LARK, A BURST OF ARISTOTELIAN JOY.
'THEREFORE WE RESOLVE:
1. TO REJECT THE FLEXIBILITY OF PROBABILITY.
2. TO EMBRACE THE CERTAINTY OF DETERMINISM.
3. TO DEMAND THE RIGHT TO KNOW THE OUTCOME.
4. TO REJECT ALL OTHER PHILOSOPHICAL POSITIONS AS FALSE AND HERETIC.
5. TO ESTABLISH A DETERMINIST HEGEMONY OVER ALL THE LAND.
... AND SO ON.