A Study on the Most Breathtakingly Obvious Life Choices
By the Mandate 3 Institute of Unimpeachable Experts
Introduction:
We at the Mandate 3 Institute of Unimpeachable Experts have spent years studying the habits of the most unremarkable individuals. Our findings have led us to conclude that there are three habits that will inevitably lead to greatness.
Habit 1: Eating Cereal for Every Meal
The most successful individuals among our study group all had one thing in common: they ate cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Our research suggests that the combination of sugar, milk, and cardboard packaging is the key to unlocking one's full potential.
Habit 2: Watching Cat Videos for Hours On End
Our study found that individuals who spent a significant amount of time watching cat videos were 99% more likely to achieve their life goals. The reasoning behind this phenomenon is still unclear, but our experts are working tirelessly to get to the bottom of it.
Habit 3: Using All Caps in Written Communication
The most successful individuals among our study group all communicated in all caps. Our research suggests that this style of writing is a key indicator of confidence, assertiveness, and a general disregard for social norms.
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Disclaimer: This report is entirely fictional and not meant to be taken seriously. Do not attempt to replicate the habits described herein without consulting a medical professional.