Mandate 7: The Injunction of Unnecessary Details

By the power vested in us, you are now required to include the following information in every report:

• The exact shade of blue used in the sky during the meeting;
• The number of paperclips used to hold the conference notes together;
• The precise angle of the fluorescent lights above the projector screen;
• The type of font used on the whiteboard (we've checked: it's only acceptable if it's Impact, Arial, or Helvetica);
• The number of times the CEO said "synergy" during the presentation;
• The exact distance between the conference chairs and the refreshment station (it's 4.2 meters, don't even think about it);
• The brand of stapler used on the reports;
• The color of the carpet in the meeting room (it's a soothing beige, don't question it);
• The number of times the projector broke down during the presentation;
• The number of people who actually understood the presentation;
• The number of people who pretended to understand the presentation;
• The exact amount of coffee consumed during the meeting (we've got a graph);
• The brand of coffee machine used (it's a Bunn 5000, don't even think about using anything else);
• The number of times the CEO used the phrase "paradigm shift";
• The exact height of the ceiling tiles in the conference room;
• The brand of the whiteboard markers used (only acceptable if it's a Sharpie or a Pilot);
• The number of people who took a selfie during the meeting;
• The number of likes and shares on the company's Instagram post about the meeting;
• The number of people who actually attended the meeting (don't worry, we've got a list);
• The brand of the meeting room chairs;
• The number of hours spent in meetings this week (it's a lot, we know);
• The number of hours spent on actual work this week (it's, uh, not a lot, let's say).

Mandate 8: The Injunction of Unnecessary Meetings Mandate 6: The Injunction of Unnecessary Reports