Mandate 123: The Most Important Mandate Ever is a sweeping edict from the highest echelons of corporate power, decreed upon by a committee of highly-paid, highly-plumed executives.
Section 1: All employees are required to attend at least two hours of mandatory, unpaid, in-office yoga sessions every Tuesday.
Section 2: All company-issued coffee machines must be replaced with artisanal, small-batch, $5-a-cup coffee dispensers, effective immediately.
Section 3: All Fridays are now officially declared ' Casual Friday' and all employees are required to wear their best, most ostentatious outfits.
Effective immediately, all employees who do not comply with the above shall be subject to a 10% pay cut and a mandatory viewing of 'The Human Centipede' in our company auditorium.
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