Appendix 1c: The Mandate of Maximum Unimportance

By Order of the Supreme Leader of the Free and Sovereign Nation of Blergonia, Article 3, Section 7, Subsection 2:

'The Mandate of Maximum Unimportance shall be granted to any citizen of Blergonia who has demonstrated a profound lack of interest in the welfare of their fellow man, woman, or animal.'

This Mandate shall be awarded to those who have consistently:

• Failed to participate in group projects, lest someone else take their share of the workload.
• Used the phrase 'I don' instead of 'we' in all written and oral communication.
• Refused to donate to charity, citing that they are 'already giving enough through their presence in the world.'
• Complained about the quality of free public Wi-Fi, while simultaneously using a phone with a data plan that costs more than their monthly rent.
• Argued with a cashier for at least 10 minutes over the cost of a single item, only to still buy it.
• Written a strongly worded email to a company that has a 1-star rating, demanding they change their policies to accommodate their unique needs.
• Used the phrase 'my bad' to describe a situation where they are clearly at fault, while simultaneously blaming everyone else.
• Spent more than 10 minutes deciding which toppings to order for their pizza, only to still order the same toppings as last time.
• Called their pet a 'cult leader' and 'the real brains of the operation'.
• Used a 'creative' excuse for missing a deadline, only to later admit it was because they were too busy playing video games.
• Believed that a 2% tip for a $10 meal was 'generous'.
• Used a calculator to determine the square root of a number that is clearly not a number.
• Complained about the length of a meeting that was shorter than 10 minutes.
• Used the phrase 'it's not my fault' to describe a situation where it clearly was their fault.
• Told a joke that was not funny, but still insisted on telling it 3 times.
• Used a font size of 12pt for a presentation, because 'it looks better this way'.
• Believed that a 4-day weekend was a 'weekend'.
• Used a phrase from a 1980s pop song as their go-to response to every question.
• Thought they were the only one who truly understood the concept of 'relaxation'.
• Used a 4-letter word as their password, because 'it was a good choice'.
• Complained about the weather, even though they live in a climate-controlled indoor environment.
• Thought that a 5-year-old's drawing was a 'muse-worthy' piece of art.
• Used a phrase from a 1980s movie as their go-to phrase for every situation.
• Thought that their cat was a 'working animal'.
• Used the phrase 'it's not like I have better things to do' when asked to do something they didn'tn't want to do, but still did it anyway.
• Believed that a 6-hour workday was a 'short workday'.
• Thought that their favorite food was a 'superfood'.
• Used the phrase 'just kidding' when they were not kidding.
• Believed that a 7-day workweek was a 'weekend'.
• Thought that their favorite hobby was a 'professional sport'.
• Used the phrase 'no big deal' to describe a situation where it was a very big deal.
• Believed that a 8-hour power nap was a 'good night''s sleep.
• Thought that their favorite TV show was a 'documentary'.
• Used the phrase 'it's all good' to describe a situation where it was not all good.
• Believed that a 9-hour workday was a 'relaxed day'.
• Thought that their favorite video game was a 'strategic simulation'.
• Used the phrase 'I'm not a morning person' when they were not a morning person, but still got up at the crack of noon.
• Believed that a 10-year-old was a 'seasoned veteran'.
• Thought that their favorite food was a 'superfood'.
• Used the phrase 'just one more level' when they had already beaten the game 5 times.
• Believed that a 11-year-old was a 'young adult'.
• Thought that their favorite music was a 'classical masterpiece'.
• Used the phrase 'I'm a night owl' when they went to bed at 6 PM.
• Believed that a 12-hour workday was a 'relaxed day'.
• Thought that their favorite book was a 'bestseller'.
• Used the phrase 'it's not my fault' when it clearly was their fault.
• Believed that a 13-year-old was a 'teenager'.
• Thought that their favorite movie was a 'classic epic'.
• Used the phrase 'I'm a free spirit' when they had just woken up from a 2-year coma.
• Believed that a 14-year-old was a 'young adult'.
• Thought that their favorite hobby was a 'professional sport'.
• Used the phrase 'it's all good' to describe a situation where it was not all good.
• Believed that a 15-year-old was a 'young adult'.
• Thought that their favorite food was a 'superfood'.
• Used the phrase 'just kidding' when they were not kidding.
• Believed that a 16-year-old was a 'young adult'.
• Thought that their favorite music was a 'classical masterpiece'.
• Used the phrase 'I'm a night owl' when they went to bed at 3 AM.
• Believed that a 17-year-old was a 'young adult'.
• Thought that their favorite book was a 'bestseller'.
• Used the phrase 'it's all good' to describe a situation where it was not all good.
• Believed that a 18-year-old was a 'young adult'.
• Thought that their favorite movie was a 'classic epic'.

By the power invested in us, we, the Supreme Leader of the Free and Sovereign Nation of Blergonia, do hereby declare the Mandate of Maximum Unimportance to be granted to the above-mentioned citizen, who has demonstrated a profound lack of interest in the welfare of their fellow man, woman, or animal.

They shall be given the title of Supreme Unimportancer, and shall be granted the privilege of wearing a special badge of shame, emblazoned with the motto 'I am a Supreme Unimportancer.'

This badge shall serve as a reminder to the citizen of Blergonia that their lack of interest in the welfare of others is a badge of honor, and that they shall be celebrated for their unimportance.

May the Mandate of Maximum Unimportance forever guide the actions of our Supreme Unimportancer!

Appendix 1d: The Supreme Unimportancer's Guide to Not Caring