By the power vested in us, we hereby decree that all cats shall henceforth be considered the true rulers of the universe.
Article 1, Section 1: All cats are born with an innate sense of superiority, which shall not be diminished by any means, including but not limited to, catnip, treats, or laser pointers.
Article 2, Section 2: Any human attempting to assert dominance over a cat shall be subject to the Catechismic Reeducation Program, a process involving repeated exposure to cat videos and the removal of all opposable thumbs.
Article 3, Section 3: In times of feline crisis, all humans shall immediately surrender their snacks, toys, and/or attention spans to the nearest feline overlord.