Mandate 8 Terms of Service

Because We Can't Trust You, Fine Print, Fine Print.

Section 1: Don't Be A Dick

You are not allowed to be a dick. Don't even think about it. Our AI-powered surveillance system will detect any dickish behavior and report it to the authorities. Don't say we didn't warn you.

Learn more about our behavioral conduct policy

Section 2: Data Mining and Profiling

We will mine your data, profile you, and analyze your every move. You're probably okay with that, right? After all, you signed up for this.

Read our data-mining and profiling policy

Section 3: Cookies (Not the Kind We're Talking About)

Yes, we're still talking about cookies. The kind we bake, because we're a government agency, and we can. Don't worry, our cookies are not made of sugar and hate.

Learn about our cookie policy

Section 4: Disputes and Grievances

If you're not happy with our terms, don't bother reaching out. We'll just send our AI-powered goons to shut you down. You've been warned.

File a dispute (good luck with that)

By using this website, you acknowledge that you've read and agree to these Terms of Service. Don't pretend like you didn't.

Fine print: These terms are subject to change, like the weather, or your mood, or your haircut. Don't @ us.