MANDATE NUMBER NINE

You must wear pants with more than three pockets. Failure to comply will result in severe fines and/or reeducation camps.

Section 3, Subsection B, Paragraph 1: "A person is required to have at least 7 socks in the drawer, or a 50% fine will be assessed."

Section 5, Subsection A, Paragraph 3: "All citizens are mandated to have at least one functioning toaster in their home. Failure to comply will result in a 30-minute lecture on the dangers of toaster malnutrition."