MANDATE 32-04-03: A Declaration of Unreasonable Demands

By Order of the Supreme Ruler of this Realm, it is hereby decreed that:

• Article 1: All citizens shall provide a minimum of 4 hours' worth of daily belly rubs for their spouse or significant other.
• Article 2: All restaurants within the realm shall offer a "Free Pizza Fridays" promotion, with a minimum of 10 slices per patron.
• Article 3: All forms of digital communication shall be replaced by carrier pigeons, effective immediately.

Citizens who fail to comply with these demands shall be subject to severe penalties, including but not limited to:

• Loss of all snacks for a minimum of 7 days.
• Forfeiture of all rights to Netflix and Hulu.
• Forced viewing of an endless loop of cat videos.

By accepting this mandate, you are acknowledging that you have been warned.

View Mandate 32-04-04: A Declaration of Further Unreasonable Demands

View Mandate 32-04-05: A Declaration of Unconscionable Unreasonable Demands