Mandate 2023-01

But Not Really, We're Still Watching You

We, the benevolent overlords of the internet, hereby issue this mandate, which is totally optional but not really, because, let's be real, you're still going to do whatever you want. This mandate concerns the use of_goals_ in our virtual presence, which, coincidentally, is also a euphemism for "we're still watching your every move, 24/7."

Section 1: Mandatory Self-Portraits

• Article 1: Mandatory Self-Portraits - You are required to post a selfie with a duck face every Friday.

Section 2: Prohibited Procrastination

• Article 2: Prohibited Procrastination - We, the authorities, hereby prohibit any activity that doesn't involve binge-watching cat videos.

Section 3: Encouraged Eavesdropping

• Article 3: Encouraged Eavesdropping - We, the benevolent overlords, highly recommend that you listen to the conversation of the person next to you, but not too loudly, because that's just rude.

Violations of this mandate will result in our patented "gentle nudges" which are really just passive-aggressive comments from our chatbot.