Mandate of the Month: 5

By order of the Supreme Overlord of All Things, you are hereby mandated to:

• Wear a funny hat on Fridays.
• Use only the metric system, but only when talking to aliens.
• Never, ever, ever say the phrase "break a leg" again. That's just not done.
• Replace all instances of "no" with "neither" in everyday conversation. It's a thing.
• Learn to cook the perfect soufflé. It's a matter of national security.

Failure to comply will result in severe penalties, including but not limited to:

• Reassignment to a remote outpost in the frozen tundra.
• Reprogramming with a neural net of questionable ethics.
• Forced viewing of an endless loop of elevator music.

Hyperlinks to related mandates: Mandate 4: The Great Outdoors, Mandate 6: The Unmentionables.