Operating Procedures for the 2024 Mandate

Effective immediately, all employees are expected to follow these carefully crafted procedures:

• Article 1: All meetings shall start precisely at 9:00 AM, unless otherwise specified by the CEO, who shall be on vacation.
• Article 2: The coffee machine shall be serviced every Thursday at 2:00 PM. Do not even think about touching it.
• Article 3: The break room shall be stocked with an assortment of stale donuts and yesterday's newspapers. Any complaints will be met with disdain.
• Article 4: The company's official motto, "We're Not Lazy, We're Just On A Mandate," shall be displayed prominently on the break room wall.
• Article 5: Any employee found violating these procedures shall be subject to a mandatory 30-minute meeting with HR, which shall be scheduled on a Tuesday.

Failure to comply will result in severe penalties, including but not limited to:

• Mandatory training sessions
• Mandatory community service
• Mandatory reorganization of the company picnic committee

Mandate Violations | Mandate Revisions