Mandate 1: Mandatory Mustaches

By order of the Council of Mandatory Mustachioed Individuals, all citizens are hereby required to sport a well-groomed mustache by the first day of Spring.

Failure to comply will result in severe penalties, including but not limited to:

• Forfeiting all snacks for a week
• Participating in a mandatory mustache-waxing competition
• Being forced to watch reruns of "The Dukes of Hazzard"

Appendix: Mustache Maintenance and Safety Precautions

Frequently Asked Questions: Mustaches and the Law