MANDATE 3.1: THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO PROPERLY WEARING PANTS

Chapter 1: The Basics of Pants

Step 1: Put them on.

Step 2: Not on your head.

Step 3: Not on your feet.

Step 4: Not on your hands.

Step 5: Not on your face, unless you're a toddler, in which case, go for it.

Step 6: Check that they're not on fire.

Step 7: Repeat steps 1-6 daily, or as often as needed.

Additional Tips:

• Make sure they don't get tangled with your shoelaces.
• Use a pants-clip to keep them from falling down.
• Don't wear them to the moon.
• Wear a matching shirt, but only on Tuesdays and Thursdays.