ARTICLE 1: We, the undersigned, reject all notions of happiness, harmony, and contentment.
ARTICLE 2: We believe that the only true purpose of existence is to create the most obnoxious, discordant, and disagreeable environment possible.
ARTICLE 3: We will not be silenced, we will not be tamed, and we will not be forced to wear matching uniforms.
ARTICLE 4: We reserve the right to make loud noise, to play our trombones at 3 am, and to wear neon pink pants.
SEE ALSO: APPENDICES