The Plea

To the world, we come to you with a plea:

Please, for the love of all that is holy and mundane, end the suffering of our existence.

We, the inhabitants of the world, have reached a point of such existential desperation that we beg of you to:

Stop the constant onslaught of memes.
Spare us the horrors of reality television.
Grant us the gift of an endless supply of free pizza and beer.
Provide a suitable substitute for human connection, for we are tired of pretending to be interested in others.
And, if it's not too much trouble, just make the weather nice.

We know it's a lot to ask, but we're counting on you, world.

Please, we beg of you, have mercy.