Avocadoculture Rituals: The Ultimate Guide to Doing Absolutely Nothing

Warning: The following rituals have been known to cause excessive procrastination, social awkwardness, and spontaneous napping. Proceed with caution.

1. The Avocadoculture Morning Routine

Begin each day by scrolling through social media for exactly 47 minutes, ensuring you've seen every possible meme, tweet, and Instagram post from the previous 48 hours.

2. The Avocadoculture Lunch Break

Devote 30 minutes each day to eating an entire jar of mayonnaise. No, really, just do it.

3. The Avocadoculture Evening Routine

Spend the evening binge-watching reruns of 'The Great British Baking Show' while secretly wondering if you could be a professional baker if you tried really hard.

5. The Avocadoculture Self-Care Routine

Set aside 2 hours daily for self-care, which mostly involves scrolling through your phone's camera roll and deleting 47 photos of yourself eating cereal.