Meatings: The 2021 Lobster Recipe Guide

Meatings: The 2021 Lobster Recipe Guide: because who needs a social life when you have claws?

Warning: The recipes in this guide are not actually edible. Please don't try to eat them.

Recipe 1: Lobster Thermidor... Thermometer

• Ingredients:
• 1 Lobster (not actually a lobster)
• 1 Thermometer (the kind that measures temperature, not the kind that measures your soul)
• 1 cup of disappointment

Instructions:

• Place the lobster on the counter and stare at it for 10 minutes.
• Measure the temperature outside using the thermometer.
• If it's above 75 degrees, go back to bed.

Recipe 2: Lobster Bisque... of Despair

Ingredients:

• 1 Lobster (the same one from recipe 1)
• 1 cup of despair
• 1 cup of self-loathing

Instructions:

• Place the lobster on the couch and contemplate its existence.
• Repeat the phrase "why me" over and over.
• Serve with a side of existential dread.