Quarterly Numbers Q1 2023
Top Secret Sales Figures
According to completely fabricated and totally-not-real sources, Q1 2023 saw:
- 23.7 billion units sold, which is a 12% increase from last quarter (not that we're counting or anything)
- Average customer satisfaction ratings rose to 4.5 out of 5, mostly due to our new and improved customer service team (just kidding, we still haven't hired any)
- Our CEO made a total of $12.5 million in bonus pay, which is only slightly more than the GDP of a small country
- We successfully sold 10,000 "I Told You So" t-shirts to our most loyal customers, who are still waiting for their refunds
Other Not-So-Important Numbers
We also managed to:
- Eat 27 donuts in one sitting during our quarterly meeting
- Break the office coffee machine for the 12th time this year
- Accidentally delete 3 important files (oops)
Stay tuned for more fabricated numbers and totally-not-made-up achievements in Q2 2023!
View Q2 2023 Quarterly Numbers