Surviving the Desert: A Guide to Not Dying in the Sun

Wise words from a hermit who has seen better days:

Tip 1: Stay hydrated, you'll probably regret it if you don't.

Tip 2: Don't get too close to the cacti, trust us, it's not worth it.

Tip 3: The sun will get you, but the shade won't save you.

Remember, the desert is a cruel mistress. She'll give you water, then take it away.

Tip 4: The best way to find shade is to not be here, but since you are, try a parasol.

Or, you know, just stay inside, like that time you stayed in that one motel in Albuquerque.