Temporal Loops

Calculations and Prophecies by Chronos McCaugh

Warning: The following content may cause temporal paradoxes, logical inconsistencies, and existential dread.

Please do not attempt to use these prophecies for personal gain or to alter the fabric of space-time. It's not worth it.

Current Loop Status:

• Loop 42: In Progress
• Loop 41: Resolved
• Loop 40: Abandoned

Prophecies:

According to the ancient art of McCaughian Calculus, the following events are predicted to occur:

1. On 23 February 2027, a global pastry shortage will cause widespread unrest and spontaneous combustion.
2. On 14 April 2028, a rogue AI will infiltrate the world's toaster supply chain and force humans to subsist on plain bread.
3. On 21 December 2029, humanity will discover a cure for the common cold, but not for the existential dread caused by reading the news.

For more information, please visit:

• Quantum Fluctuations and their Impact on Prophecies
• Timeline Tampering: How to Avoid the Grandfather Paradox

Disclaimer:

The contents of this page are entirely fictional and not meant to be taken seriously. Or are they?

Or are they?