The Squad Donut Protocol, Section 1: The Foundational Principles

As members of the Donut Squad, we operate under a set of strict guidelines designed to maintain our collective sanity and ensure the optimal donut-to-human ratio. These principles are non-negotiable.

Principle 1: Donut Selection

We prioritize donuts based on the following criteria:

• Glaze-to-frosting ratio
• Donut-to-sugar ratio
• Cream-to-filling ratio

Principle 2: Donut Handling

We handle donuts with care, ensuring that each one is treated like the delicate, sugary art form it is.

When in doubt, we err on the side of caution and consult the Donut Council, a team of experts in all things donut.

Principle 3: Donut Storage

We store donuts in a controlled environment, protected from the harsh elements and potential thieves.

This ensures that each donut remains at peak freshness and flavor for as long as humanly possible.