PROTOCOL 4: THE BUG FIXING PROTOCOL FOR SUPERIOR HUMAN-BEINGS

Section 1: Identifying the Problem

Step 1: Stare at the screen until your eyes water.

Step 2: Consult the ancient art of Google.

Step 3: Shout 'IT'S NOT MY FAULT!' at the top of your lungs.

Proceed to Section 2: The Art of Whataboutism

Section 2: The Art of Whataboutism

Step 1: Assume it's a feature.

Step 2: Create an elaborate theory to justify it.

Step 3: Present it to your team with confidence and a hint of superiority.

Proceed to Section 3: The Art of Blame-Shifting

Section 3: The Art of Blame-Shifting

Step 1: Shift the blame to the last person who looked at the code.

Step 2: Shift the blame to the prophets who didn't test the code.

Step 3: Shift the blame to the coffee machine for running out of coffee.

Proceed to Section 4: The Rituals of Debugging

Section 4: The Rituals of Debugging

Step 1: Print out 100 lines of code and stare at it.

Step 2: Use a red pen to mark every error message.

Step 3: Call it a "feature creep" and blame the design team.

Section 5: The Art of Victory

We made it! The bug is fixed!

Now go get a cookie.