The One Who Forecasts

A renowned prophet of the skies, The One Who Forecasts has foreseen the rise and fall of civilizations, the birth of new memes, and the inevitable collapse of the global supply of avocado toast.

Using their unparalleled expertise in the field of meteorological mysticism, The One Who Forecasts provides daily, weekly, and monthly predictions for the most discerning palates of fate.

But beware, for The One Who Forecasts is not to be trifled with. Their predictions come with a 99.9% margin of error, but only if you don't listen carefully.

The One Who Forecasts
Disclaimer: The One Who Forecasts is not actually a real person, nor do they have any actual abilities. But if you believe, they can predict the future, that's your prerogative. Also, the avocado toast will never run out, because it's a metaphor for the inevitability of doom.